I am NOT a strong, independent woman. And, call me old fashioned, but I am okay with that.
I was raised by the strongest, most independent woman I’ve ever known. She fought for my sister and I, I’m sure, more times than I even know about. If there is one thing I remember her telling me more than anything else it was, “we don’t need no stinkin’ man.” And, to this day, I am thankful that mom raised me in such a way that I learned how to build things and how to fix stuff. She taught me that I did not have to depend on a man for a single thing in life. I always told myself that I would never be dependent on a man, or just another person, no matter.
And while I still believe that to be a valuable lesson, I’ve come to the realization that I am, by no means, a strong, independent woman. My husband and I have been married now for nine years. He is my rock. He is my everything. When things are hard and I want to give up, he keeps me going.
We have been together for, literally, our entire adult lives. We have grown up together. We have struggled together. We have celebrated together. I don’t know how to even begin to “do life” without this man. Nor do I ever want to.
But he is in the Army and can, at times, be gone for months at a time. During those times, I do have to be more independent than I usually would be, but I’m still not completely independent. I depend on my husband, of course, for basic things like, his paycheck, help around the house, raising the kids, and caring for our animals. But I also depend on him for the ins and outs of daily life. Sometimes he has to help me shower and get dressed. Sometimes he has to help me get to and from appointments. And that is just a part of the physical aspect.
Because of my mental health history (that’s another conversation for another day, but if you have questions, just ask), I also depend on him to help me make decisions. He helps me to regulate my emotions. He helps me realize my full potential. He helps me to do things for myself, that I didn’t know I could do.
In every way, shape and form, I am dependent on this man in every aspect of my life. We may each have our own separate jobs and lives that we live when we are apart from each other, but we both depend on each other for everything. When I am struggling, he picks up the slack and vice versa. I help him and he helps me. It’s a two way street. It’s a partnership. Without him, I am not fully me.
I fully expect to catch some backlash for this post, but I honestly don’t care. I am happy with where I am in my life. Yes, I am a strong woman. But I will never classify myself as independent. I am as dependent as they come. I am 100% dependent on this amazing man, but likewise, he is dependent on me.
Marriage doesn’t work any other way.
I think the song Helium by Sia, perfectly explains it. Growing up, I thought I would be able to do life on my own, but I can’t. I need him. I depend on him. Some woman may call me weak, and I’m okay with that. Because this is my life, our lives, and we love things just the way they are.
“I’m trying but I keep falling down
I cry out but nothing comes now
I’m giving my all and I know peace will come
I never wanted to need someone
Yeah, I wanted to play tough, thought I could do all this on my own
But even Superwoman sometimes needed Superman’s soul
Help me out of this hell
Your love lifts me up like helium
Your love lifts me up when I’m down, down, down, when I’ve hit the ground
You’re all I need
And if you let go, I’ll float towards the sun
I’m stronger ’cause you fill me up
But when the fear comes and I drift towards the ground
I am lucky that you’re around
Yeah, I wanted to play tough, thought I could do all this on my own
But even Superwoman sometimes needed Superman’s soul
Help me out of this hell
Your love lifts me up like helium
Your love lifts me up when I’m down, down, down, when I’ve hit the ground
You’re all I need
‘Cause your love lifts me up like helium
Your love lifts me up like helium
You lift me up and I am found
You lift me up before I hit the ground
You lift me up when I am down, down, down
You lift me up before I hit the ground
You lift me up and I am found
You lift me up before I hit the ground
You lift me up when I’m down, down, down
You lift me up before I hit the ground
Your love lifts me up like helium
Your love lifts me up when I’m down, down, down, when I’ve hit the ground
You’re all I need
‘Cause your love lifts me up like helium
Your love lifts me up like helium
Your love lifts me up like helium
Your love lifts me up like helium”
PS…please do not take this as saying that this is the way things “have to be” for a successful life or marriage, this is just my experience. Some of my best friends are the strong, independent type and I respect them so much for their courage and persistence.